Productivity

I was advised to stay away from being productive during my trip. But it was nearly impossible to do so. In my mind, I kept thinking of ways to spend each day with practicality and efficiency — where to go, whom to meet, what to get, etc. As a result, I carried notepads and books in my bag, which felt as heavy as bricks. I also had a small umbrella, sunglasses, lipsticks, and a pencil case. Everything felt so essential but unthinkably cumbersome.

I couldn't sleep well in my hotel room either. My heart constantly raced, waking me up at random hours. The only salvation I could have was a hot bath. Each night I took a long bath in warm water, smelling apple and mint from the bath powder I had grabbed at the hotel lobby.

Then, at the airport, my flight got delayed for thirty minutes. Although it was a minor adjustment, that change greatly impacted my journey back home. It was past 3 am when I finally arrived at my apartment in Seoul. It was dark inside, and I was hungry and exhausted. When I opened the refrigerator, I saw a pot full of miyeokguk. My mouth instantly watered with explosive joy and relief.

A couple of hours later, morning would come. And I’ll go to the sauna, I told myself. I wanted wash away all the heaviness inside me — all the unspoken pressure and sadness. Even just for a moment, I wanted to be without them.